unamusedsloth:

You got a problem?

awkofrozenmermaid:

Good god I love this game.

Good news bad news best news

sparkafterdark:

The good news:

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 I found my favorite old jacket while sorting through my old stuff

The bad news:imageThe last time I wore it I was nine years old

The best news:

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I am the anime now

schmergo:

I want a movie about a kid who just so happens to be born a Classic Gothic Hero, but in modern day. His name would be like Byron Dangerfield or something. 

Whenever he has EMOTIONS, there are claps of thunder and lightning. Every time he leans against a piece of furniture, it turns out to open a secret passageway leading to some dark secret, until eventually he’s just like “REALLY, GUYS?” All bad dreams are prophetic, even if it’s just that Starbucks will be out of pumpkin spice syrup the next day. Every girl he talks to swoons a lot and has a tyrannical heavy-browed father who are all played by the same actor. Ravens flock around him.

There are inexplicably paintings with moving eyes and moving suits of armor everywhere he goes, even McDonalds. Every time he moves to a new apartment, there is ALWAYS a screaming woman chained up in the room above his, and she invariably sets the place on fire. He’s so over it.

themightysqueal:

THAT LAST ONE OMG

disproven:

traceymoesby:

kohwala:

telepath more like telepathetic

this sounds like something Magneto would say before high fiving Mystique

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theumbrellaseller:

Bruce’s List

  • galangal
  • ginger root 
  • lemongrass
  • chamomile, peppermint & ginseng teas
  • new toaster (sorry)
  • new microwave (really sorry)
  • the cheapest pants you can find (you didn’t need to see that and I apologise)

THOR

  • THREE PLUMP OXEN
  • FOUR BARRELS OF MEAD
  • AS MANY PUFFER FISH AS REQUIRED (CLINT HAS INFORMED ME THAT THEY ARE A LETHAL MIDGARDIAN DELICACY!)
  • HABANERO PEPPERS
  • POPTARTS

THOR (after some advice from Steve)

  • THREE PLUMP OXEN
  • FOUR BARRELS OF MEAD
  • AS MANY PUFFER FISH AS REQUIRED (CLINT HAS INFORMED ME THAT THEY ARE A LETHAL MIDGARDIAN DELICACY!)
  • HABANERO PEPPERS
  • POPTARTS

Natasha:

  • duct tape
  • tequila
  • 1 pack tupperware boxes
  • 1 large pack plain candles
  • 3 packs AA batteries
  • rubber gloves
  • bleach
  • Cheerios

Tony:

  • what the hell is a grocery list
  • is this what poor people do
  • usually food just kind of arrives?

Steve’s Shopping List

  • Eggs
  • Bread (brown please)
  • Milk
  • Plain flour
  • Bacon
  • Steaks (?)
  • Butter
  • Potatoes
  • Popcorn!!!
  • Corned Beef
  • Do they still make Ovaltine?

Clint wants:

  • barbecue tongs
  • charcoal
  • gasoline
  • hot dogs
  • buns
  • WHY IS THERE NO MUSTARD IN THIS HOUSE GODDAMN
  • tequila (unless already on Natasha’s list)
  • Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia (she always forgets)
  • limes
  • new oven mitts (THANKS BRUCE)
  • new apron (REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR HELP IN THE KITCHEN BUDDY)
  • do we even own a barbecue?

stacksbreadup:

This deadass the funniest tweet ever.

officialbuckybarnes:

officialsteverogers:

You follow me on tumblr but will you follow me into war

shut the fuck up steve

liartownusa:

Oh Christ, It’s This Asshole Again

deaddreamers:

best photoset I’ve ever seen

indynerdgirl:

madam-cj-says-relax:

patrickat:

kaiju3:

The American Hogwarts Houses

Look at your school of witchcraft and wizardry. Now look at mine. Now yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, your school is not mine, but if you all got off your broomsticks and started using a real sorcerer’s deodorant, it could smell like mine. Abracadabra! I’m a horse.

Good. Night. I’m done.

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

darksideofthemoon007:

halinacrown:

official-canadianjesus:

roman-sunshine:

Beetles compromise 25% of all animal species. That means 1 in 4 animals is probably a beetle. Is it you? Is it your best friend? How can you be sure?

Ringo could be living in your backyard without you even knowing

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I hAve beeN LAUgHING AT THiS FOR TEN MiNUTES

karlnesser:

TRUST NO ONE

plenilune BUT REALLY

theme